Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
