Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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