I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
