did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
