Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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