i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
