Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
