Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just blew my weed a kiss
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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