We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
