just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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