I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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