my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
