Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
