i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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