I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize