I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
