i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i drank out of a bidet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
