So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
tell me about the fingering
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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