Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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