Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
