We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
