i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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