I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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