Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
