we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
