I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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