he thought i was a dude.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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