I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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