so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
