Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
