I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
