You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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