I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize