Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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