i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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