Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
