SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
