If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
