i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
