i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
