do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
