At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
