That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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