oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, Iām going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
