Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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