Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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