even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
