Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
