where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
