soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
