I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gift wrapped bread.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
