I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
