I cockslap morals
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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