That's intense
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
