im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
