remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're like the curious george of whores
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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