I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
