I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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