You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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