Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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