I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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