I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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