yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
