girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
